Friday, December 7, 2012

Papa Don't Preach, I'm Keepin My Baby!!!




Papa don't preach,
I'm in trouble deep,
Papa don't preach,
I've been losin sleep
but I made up my mind,
I'm keepin' my baby ohhhh
I'm gonna keep my baby...yeahhhhhh


Do you remember that song ? Yes, it is such so 80s right? When everybody got this big big hairdos, heavy, heavy makeups and lots and lots of big big things on their colorful dresses and shirts...
                    Madonna, flaunting her 80s attire - pic from the Internet




Anyway, I am singing that particular song, and I think that's the song that closely resembles my situation now.
Yep, the very reason that kept me busy and away from my blog. 3 months to be exact. Battling emotional roller coaster rides. And that familiar feeling of nausea. And then, a deep, guttural cry that came from within....'WHAT HAVE I DONE ?'....and then...another question...'WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?'....and then I felt another wave of nausea and spinning head, and I literally felt the earth move under my feet.




 Nope, I am not pregnant....well, at least not that I know of haha...and for record, I must state here that I don't approve of mindless sex and copulations with multiple partners that would result in unwanted pregnancies and social disease....

OK enough with community message preach, now let's focus on my situation...


The thing is, *taking a deep breath*, a few months ago my wonderful, wonderful significant other had declared that he's had enough with doing his current job, which is mainly in the information technology world, and he wanted to venture and explore a totally new horizon, which is the interior design/office renovation works. For record, my SO had been doing and running government projects and tenders in IT field. And so, being a good wife, I told him that Interior Design wouldn't be easy, and that there would be more pain and headaches et cetera et cetera...

But my SO, being a typical egoistic husband man, of course wouldn't take advise from a smart beautiful  wife like me. And so he went on and voila! Lo and behold, he managed to secure one government tender to renovate and refurbish a new office branch, and he sweetly asked me to handle the project, and that I don't have to worry about funding the project, because he would make sure that the funds would be ready, and all I have to do was just to supervise and make sure that the project meet its deadline, and won the approval from the customer.

My first impression was like , What The Fu*K? I know nothing about interior design, couldn't even tell the mosaic from the ceiling (yep I could be a bimbo ignorant sometimes), but I took up his challenge, and I self taught myself on reading and understanding various drawings and floor plans designs, and meticulously studied all the aspects on my customer's specifications and requirements, and so we accepted the tender and signed the agreement with our customer.


And everything seemed to be in order, I met and chose sub contractors, made my promise that I would be paying their jobs as in progress method, meaning that I would pay them up front 40% of their total cost, and would pay them the balance once their jobs are completed etc etc....You know, the usual peddlers' stuff....



And then all hell broke lose when my SO couldn't fund the project, due to some unforeseen circumstances. He was already involved in some serious other projects and he couldn't allocate me the funds as he promised.And when I kept on pestering him about this project funds he cooly told me to simply terminate this project.

WHAT THE FU ???? How can we simply terminate this project when we had already signed the agreement? I asked him if he wants to join a whole lot of people who are being fed and sleep - in jail ? And what about those sub contractors that had probably ordered and paid for the products that I had promised I would buy from them ???? *yeah I am being a drama queen here, exaggerating and being almost hysterical to my dearest smart husband*


Well, upon hearing that, he reached for his car keys and went out.

And when he came back, he dumped me a few bundle of cash -about 25K, and told me to pay off whomever of my sub contractors who had foolishly paid for whatever I ordered.


Gaaaa!


Remember this scenes from the operas, when a gold-digger kind of slut lady who had trapped a billionaire with such parental trap, and upon hearing such news that he s going to be an out of wedlock daddy, the billionaire cooly handed the slut a big cash and told her,"Go and kill the baby!"


Yes, I am being dramatic again. But that's exactly how I feel.

The thing is, I had learned to love this project, and hell yes, to some extent I even think of this project as my own baby!


And how can I butcher my own flesh and blood?

So that night I couldn't sleep.

Deep down I knew that terminating the project is not an option. I can use the money to pay off the sub contractors, but the law would never leave us alone. And the law is unforgiving. We (my husband and I) were legally binded by the agreement, and to terminate such an agreement means that we would probably be inmates in jail....well I wonder if they would allow me to have my husband as cellmate, and would they allow us to decorate our cell with our comfy bed and pillows?


But the vision of us being in jail, and our kids visiting us on hari Raya chilled my spine, and I get up from my bed, reached for the stack of cash, and automatically, I knew what has to be done.


So the next day, after such a restless night, and after my smart and patient hubby went outstation for his own project, I made my move...

I went to see several of my sub contractors and gave them the money that my husband had given me. But I didn't tell them to terminate this project and that the deal is off.


Instead, I told them that that is all the money that I have in hand, but I would raise more to pay their 40% first payment, and I told them to start working.


Yep, that could be the wisest, boldest or the stupidest move that I had ever made in my entire life, and hell yes, I was totally scared of the decision that I had made.


But the dice had been cast, I had throw in my cards and so now.....


I am biting my fingers, wondering if I had made the right choice.

And I spent so many restless nights, worrying about money, worrying if I had made a good decision, worrying about my project - would I be able to satisfy my customer's need, (and I can reassure you that they are NOT easy to please!) and I also worry about meeting the customers, especially for the final inspection and site handover - I know that there would be some gungho kind of characters who would made my life a living hell ...worry, worry, worry....


It seemed now my life is in constant worry and stress....

*sigh*


But somehow, keeping this baby made me calm and collected, and I am glad to say that my baby is shaping up, despite some great storms in the beginning, and I hope that I would be able to complete this project, with flying colors and winning approval from my customer.


Here's how my 'baby' looked like about 3 months ago:-


            Before


And here's how my baby looks like...NOW :-


















And now that the end is near and the handover date is getting close, I am caught in a emotional storm, and then it hit me...right smack on my face...


My baby had grown up, had fully bloomed and ready to fly...and I am so glad that I had decided to keep this baby...



And then perhaps.....it's time to make other babies ?


Oh no....me and my treacherous and dangerous mind!